Solitary Confinement

In anticipation of this week's discipline of solitude, I really did not have any fears to speak of.  I'm pretty good at being alone, if I do say so myself.  I actually really like it, and often crave it.  I've often thought to, well, myself, that my own company is often my favorite to keep.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not an antisocial hermit or anything.  I love my friends and family dearly and the fondest memories I'll forever hold are with them, but I need a balance between time among them and time with myself--the scale often weighs heavier on the latter. 

 However, upon reflection of my personal practice of solitude, I've come to realize that my practice has been incredibly selfish.  A spiritual practice of solitude would have to take a breaking of these selfish habits.  I would have to redirect my solitude from myself to opening my heart and mind to God.  Unfortunately, I came to this realization a little too late.  In fact, I came to it just now, writing this thing.  Over Thanksgiving Break, my solitary habits, proved, well, habitual.  I had more time to myself than usual and I reveled in that fact, taking that time for myself, not even thinking twice of redirecting that time.  In anticipation of the assignment I knew how easy it was going to be to find that time, but what I did not anticipate was how easily and unconsciously I would fall into the habit of selfish solitude.

Solitude helps us practice dying to ourselves by the practice of denying ourselves.  As it would appear, I'm quite attached to myself.  I said before that my own company is often my favorite to keep.  Upon reflection, I'm ever aware of my desperate need to have God be my favorite company to keep, even when I'm alone.