So long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu

Here we are.  The time at last has come to put this blog to bed, much like the Von Trapp children.  Before I do that, though, I'll tuck you in with some final reflections on my journey.  I have a small number of questions to address, and so I will include them in the format as to help inform where my answers are coming from.  

1. Foster says spiritual disciplines are not designed to be ends in themselves, but are intended to facilitate a person's journey into greater freedom in living a Christ-like life.  How did your practice of the disciplines this semester (either some in particular or all together) help you grow in your faith in an obedience to God?

         I've always considered myself a pretty self-aware person.  Before I took this course, I had considered my spiritual life to be, if anything, average, and that was totally fine.  I was not aware, however, of how untrue this was.  Honestly, I don't think I've ever truly experienced spiritual discipline before this course.  At least, not in the way that I now understand it.  I was stagnant in my faith and I hadn't realized how much I desperately wanted to push forward.  These disciplines gave me insight into myself, but more importantly, I felt closer to God than I had in a while--and that was when I barely scratched the surface.  

            

2. What were some of the distractions or hindrances that kept you from practicing, or practicing to the fullest, the assigned disciplines this semester?  What does this show you about yourself?  How do you plan to address this area (or these areas) of struggle?

         Most definitely, I was most hindered by instinct and habits in my spiritual practices.  As I read through my blog posts, I was a little embarrassed to notice how often my rituals of everyday distracted me, or made me forget  about the practices I had set forth to do.  I guess this this just informs me I am a creature of intense habit, and breaking a habit takes conscious, continual effort.  So that tells me that I'm only going to address this problem if I try; if I make that conscious effort to create new habits.

3. Identify three disciplines you think mesh together well and explain how you see then interrelating.  How would you plan to practice them together?

        Three disciplines that naturally group well together, I think, are study, meditation, and prayer.  Meditation gives opportunity to reflect on the word of God, to reflect on our study, and open our minds to hear what God would reveal to us in His word.  I also like the idea of integrating prayer into this process.  Our study should manifest its truth in our lives and prayer gives the guidance to know how to do that.  In practicing these three, I might select a particular passage to reflect and meditate on, to hear what truth it holds for me, and I would then spend time in prayer, in communion with God praying for the strength and guidance of His truth revealed to me in Scripture and meditation.

4. Identify one discipline you would urge a new believer to practice.  How would you instruct them in the discipline?  Why do you think this discipline is especially well-suited to the formation of a new believer?

           Immediately, I think of prayer as being the discipline I would a new believer to practice.  It's well-suited to a new believer because in a new relationship, we get to know one another my communicating.  Prayer is the means by which we communicate with God.  If a believer wants to "get to know" God, well, why wouldn't they talk to Him?  Also, If a new believer desires to change, we might ask God for guidance, because prayer is how he changes and guides us.  Honestly, instruction for this discipline kind of stumps me.  I think knowledge of God's presence and the knowledge that this is a two-way conversation help facilitate prayer and give it direction.  I guess I would just tell them to keep that in mind and remind them that prayer is God's way of involving us in the story he has written and to be ready to experience to power of prayer.

5. Spiritual disciplines fortify believers against some of the universal struggles and weaknesses all Christians have battled against.  Identify and describe an area of weakness you observe in the Kuyper College student population.  What spiritual discipline, if corporately practiced, would target this area of weakness and why?

              Given that our students are Bible and Theology majors, I think something that we may tend to struggle with is to get caught up in the academic, and slightly unemotional side of biblical studies.  Theology fosters spirituality, but so does heart and passion.  However, I think it would be unfair to say that this is a perpetual struggle, I just know that it can, and does, happen.  This problem was addressed in our discussions on study.  Now, our campus is not without Bible studies, but it becomes so easy to skip them or them off by declaring that we're doing our New Testament homework, so that should be good enough.  I think it would be extremely beneficial to corporately practice the discipline of study, to put down the books, or to maybe read the Book for a different purpose as a community.   

6.  What advice would you give to the next class of spiritual formation students at Kuyper College who will be practicing these disciplines.  

              This is arguably the most important course I have ever taken.  It takes everything I have so far studied about God and his word, and uses it to practically shape and strengthen my spirituality and my relationship with God.  In light of this, I would urge Spiritual Formation students to come to take this course as, and even more, seriously than any other course they have hereto encountered.  Only then will you get the most from it, and learn about yourself, and your journey, and most importantly, grow in your faith.

And with that, I leave you.  It truly has been a pleasure.  I've learned so many practical, yet poignant things about myself, and my spirituality throughout this course.  I hope to continue to grow and learn as I go on from here.  I wish the same for you, whoever "you" are.  

Peace and Blessings,

Stephanie  

Freedom by Submission

Ah, here we are at last.  The final discipline!  Rather than give a lengthy introduction, I think I'd rather just jump right in.  This week's discipline was that of Submission.  If you're like me, the picture that comes to mind when I hear submission is something like a kid yelling "uncle" when another guy has him in a headlock.  In other words, I think of a weaker party yielding to a stronger one, usually involuntarily.  However, through my study of submission I've discovered that it actually takes great strength to submit to another--especially to do it willingly.  I had pictured submission as enslaving myself in small and big ways to other people, but I discovered that the act of submission actually frees us.  It frees us from ourselves, our own will, and the burden of things having to go our way.

Submission has greatly to do with attitude, the spirit of joy with which we submit and serve.  And so with this in mind, my task this week was to accept tasks, or opportunities to serve other people and do them with a spirit of joy.  I found this to manifest itself most prominently in how I spend my money and who I spend it on.  The number of dollars in my bank account would give any good-humored person a good laugh.  But this week I decided to spend some time and money on someone in my life who has even less than I do.

Something I discovered through this practice, however, is that it was incredibly easy to serve someone I love with a spirit of joy.  How much more difficult would it be to serve someone that slights me, or someone I'm mad at, or even someone that I just don't like?  A lot more difficult, I bet.  It's not so easy for me to unconditionally love another when I feel like their attitude doesn't merit my love.  I'm constantly reminded of how much my love falls short to Christ's.  I myself don't deserve his love or his submission and yet he gave it to me.  These disciplines are a means to become more like Christ, and in turn gain freedom from ourselves.

Solitary Confinement

In anticipation of this week's discipline of solitude, I really did not have any fears to speak of.  I'm pretty good at being alone, if I do say so myself.  I actually really like it, and often crave it.  I've often thought to, well, myself, that my own company is often my favorite to keep.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not an antisocial hermit or anything.  I love my friends and family dearly and the fondest memories I'll forever hold are with them, but I need a balance between time among them and time with myself--the scale often weighs heavier on the latter. 

 However, upon reflection of my personal practice of solitude, I've come to realize that my practice has been incredibly selfish.  A spiritual practice of solitude would have to take a breaking of these selfish habits.  I would have to redirect my solitude from myself to opening my heart and mind to God.  Unfortunately, I came to this realization a little too late.  In fact, I came to it just now, writing this thing.  Over Thanksgiving Break, my solitary habits, proved, well, habitual.  I had more time to myself than usual and I reveled in that fact, taking that time for myself, not even thinking twice of redirecting that time.  In anticipation of the assignment I knew how easy it was going to be to find that time, but what I did not anticipate was how easily and unconsciously I would fall into the habit of selfish solitude.

Solitude helps us practice dying to ourselves by the practice of denying ourselves.  As it would appear, I'm quite attached to myself.  I said before that my own company is often my favorite to keep.  Upon reflection, I'm ever aware of my desperate need to have God be my favorite company to keep, even when I'm alone.

Simplicity

And, we're back!  Yet again, you'll get to hear all about my escapades in the area of spiritual discipline.  And might I say, I can finally claim to have completely crushed one of these things for once...just kidding.  I thought saying so may have miraculously changed the outcome.  Alas, it is still not the case.

This was one of the disciplines I was quite worried about.  To me, practicing a simple lifestyle meant dressing plainly, forgoing makeup, abstaining from most technology, and, really, culture in general.  And honestly, I find a lot of joy in these things.  I really enjoy picking out my clothes, doing my hair and makeup, and one of my absolute favorite pastimes is watching television and movies.  All three of these things are a creative outlet for me, and I honestly believe that I glorify God in doing each of these things appropriately.  And so, the thought of having to give these things up did not really make much sense to me.  As it turns out, my idea of "simplicity" was actually more like asceticism--that is, completely separating oneself from culture.

Simplicity, as I think I understand it now, is putting "first things first."  Matthew 6 tell is to "Seek first His kingdom ..."  When the things of this world become our "first things," that is when the practice of simplicity steps in.  We reevaluate whether or not God is who we turn to first, who we seek first, and if He's not, we need to change that--maybe by refraining from certain activities or gadgets.

The goal is to have this practice of simplicity make its way into our inward life, and this looks like freedom from anxiety.  Trusting that God sustains and provides, that what we have is a gift, that He is enough.  Now, for someone like me,who is clinically diagnosed with anxiety, freedom from anxiety is an unrealistic notion.  But in the worries outside of my anxiety, for there are still many of those, I can't really claim that I turn to God first, that I completely trust Him.  More often than not, I turn to myself.

 So the goal for this week was to check myself in my worry and turn in prayer to God.  The only problem with this is that I'm often unaware of my worries.  They're almost always there, and so I become used to carrying them around with me.  The problem with trying to change my instincts--by turning in prayer rather than turning to myself--is that they're, well, instincts.  I don't even remember any times during the day this week that I was able to follow through on my plan.  And so, once again, I've barely managed to skim the surface of what there was to discover or accomplish with this discipline.  But I will continue, I will check myself, and who knows, maybe I will finally get to say that I totally crushed this thing.

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!

Peace,

Steph

Hitting the Book(s)

Study, study, study.  It seems like that's all I do these days.  Or rather, avoid studying and spend that time of not studying fretting over the fact that I should be studying.  It's a nasty circle of events that I never seem to learn from.  I guess I'm just a last-minute kind of gal--a fact I might as well accept (or something that I could work on...nah.)  Anyway, I was kind of annoyed at the prospect of this week's discipline being study.  I spend enough time in the books as it is.  Besides, many of my assignments include the study of the Bible and theology already, so really, isn't that enough to cover the assignment?

Not really.  Like every discipline before this one, I did not really understand what it actually meant.  When I study the word for academic reasons, though I can be and often am blessed by it, it is easy to get caught up and consumed by just the academic part of it.  The discipline of study is meant, not to finish an assignment or get a good grade, but to reflect on God's word, apply it to our daily lives, and to grow closer to God.  This discipline includes four steps, according to Foster: Repetition, Concentration, Comprehension, and Reflection.  We also discussed the importance of humility in study--to acknowledge the need we have for a deeper knowledge of God through His word.  And so, keeping these steps in mind, my plan was to take a suggested passage, 1 Corinthians 13, and read it on multiple occasions throughout the week.  It is easy to write off familiar passages, such as 1 Corinthians 13, with the knowledge that we know everything there is to know about this passage.  This is, in fact, completely false.  There is always something new to see, a different  phrase that sticks out, a reminder we had forgotten, that can be taken away from rereading a familiar passage.  

So, with my plan set in place I was ready to finally nail one of these disciplines.  In reality, it went much worse than any of the rest of them did.  I read the passage a total of two, measly times.  It's one thing to set out a perfect plan, but it's another to actually follow it.  So I don't really have much to share or say beyond the fact that I really do intend to follow through with this execution in the days, and maybe weeks to come.  Maybe at a later date I'll be better prepared to share my insights on the love chapter.  

Until next time!

My Story

This blog post is a bit of a deviation from what I normally do.  For one, it's not Tuesday night and I'm not scrambling at the last minute practice a discipline and post my reflections.  Instead, I've been instructed to share my story--more specifically, to share my spiritual journey up until this point in my life.  I guess I don't know any better way to start than to just jump right in.  Here goes nothing!

My story really starts with my parents' story.  My mom met my dad while she was teaching in New York, where my dad is from.  Their's is truly a remarkable, romantic, everything-that's-good-about-the-world kind of story--But that's their story to share, not mine.  At the heart of their love story, at the heart of their relationship, is Christ.  I may be biased, but their marriage seems to be the true manifestation of a Christian marriage.  And everything that flows from their marriage is grounded in Christ.  This includes, most prominently to me, the raising of me and my siblings.  My parents diligently led us in the faith in the most caring, gentle, and faithful way.  I am the youngest of six children and all six of us have professed our faith in Christ--a true testament to my parents, but most of all a testament to God's faithfulness.

And so I grew up knowing and believing that I had an identity in Christ.  I never had a true conversion experience, as is often the case with is Christian-home kids, and sometimes I envy people of their dramatic conversion stories.  But as I reflect on my upbringing I realize that having it any other way just wouldn't be my story.  Just as my story could not be anyone else's.  My story is still miraculous.

I went through elementary and middle school feeling as normal and carefree as any kid can during those awkward years.  It was in high school that it seemed like life decided to weigh down on and shake me.  My first few years of high school were fine; I had a few great friends and we had a blast not caring about whether or not people thought we were cool (because we knew we were, duh)  It was my senior year that I started to get my bouts of anxiety and was soon diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.  I remember scrolling through pages upon pages about my illness on the internet.  The more I read the more I felt like I was drowning in the statistics and my own despair.  It was hard for me to accept that this would always be a part of my life; it was a phase that I would never grow out of.

I have a very close family and am also generally pretty self-reflective and so at first I tried to cope with my anxiety by turning to myself and other people for comfort.  I thought I was turning to God when I would open my Bible and desperately try to find comfort in the words that I read, but in a way, I was still trying to comfort myself.  It all just became too much.  I think I had to hit the bottom to finally have it click that I could  not do it by myself--I couldn't do it at all, in fact.  I've never felt closer to God than when I really and truly gave my pain completely to Him.  It still holds true now; whenever I feel especially anxious, I also feel God's presence more poignantly in my life.  Obviously, this causes a lot of mixed feelings in me.  I'm now at this point where I want to be able to turn to God in the good and bad times.  I've met Him in the dark, but I want to meet Him in the light even more.

This is only a small piece of the pie that is my spiritual journey.  Actually, a more appropriate analogy might be something like a road (original!) because my spiritual journey is still going.  Anyway, I hope this has given insight into who I am, where I come from, and who I hope to be.

Peace,
Steph

Our Daily Bread

Like any other creature that walks this earth I gotta eat.  And I'm quite convinced that I enjoy doing so more than the average person, because, I must say, I'm pretty good at it.  My taste buddies and I have been through thick and thin, sweet and sour, salty and savory, bitter and...well, whatever pairs well with bitter.  I've mastered the technique of eating the soup, salad, and bread sticks at Olive Garden as efficiently as possible so as to get the most for my money (save the bread sticks for the soup.  NEVER eat them with your salad--rookie mistake).  My pallet is so sophisticated as to inform you that my favorite "restaurant" is the China Max in the mall food court (another tip while eating here: get it to go--you get more...these tips don't make me pathetic!!!!).  You get the picture.  I like food.  I'm pretty sure it likes me, too (otherwise, why would it beckon me so?)  A good part of my life, especially the social part, revolves around food.  You go to a party, there's food.  You go to the movies, there's overpriced popcorn and candy (so you bring your own stash), you get together with some friends and you meet up at a restaurant.  That is why I approached this week's discipline, Fasting, with hesitance.

Why would anyone want to fast?  We need to eat so why would we deprive ourselves of this necessity?  That was my state of mind when I first heard about the practice of this discipline.  However, my assumptions were misinformed, much like they were for most of the other disciplines we've covered so far.  By the end of our in-class discussion, I understood the benefits and reason behind the practice of fasting--even though I was probably daydreaming about a cheeseburger at the time.

We may pride ourselves in thinking that our minds are the ruler of our actions, but it is often our stomachs that lead our path.  If we're hungry we steer our direction towards something to eat.  If we listened to every order our stomach dictated, though, we would find ourselves in a bad way.  Fasting is a reminder that our stomach is not king.  Rather, God is.  While fasting, we should take the time that we would spend eating, satisfying our stomachs, and satisfy our souls by spending that time with God.  The Word will be our sustenance rather than food.

Now, I've never fasted before, and so I decided to start small.  I planned to fast for two meals out of a single day, with the allowance of water and a little coffee in the morning (otherwise I get monstrous headaches.)  Overall, I was pretty good about restricting myself, save for some lettuce (which turned out to be such a tease and not worth it.)  However, my plan included spending more time with God and His Word, and I did not really succeed in this aspect.  Really, this renders the whole practice meaningless.  Yes, I did really appreciate the food I was given once I was done with my period of fasting (so I guess it wasn't meaningless), but in my future practice of fasting, I'd do well to actually do the practice that is intended to be a part of it--spend time with God and grow closer to him.

Well, that's it, folks!  Catch you at the food court!

Steph

Heaven Help Me

It's Tuesday night, so you know what that means...it's blogging time!  *cue blog dancers and theme song*  Speaking of theme songs, if this week's topic had one, it'd be Madonna's Like a Prayer, because, you know, it has the word prayer in it...and that's the discipline in the spotlight this week...and I've included the lyrics in this blog title...I'm subtle...and original!

Now prayer may seem like one of those no-brainer disciplines that needs no explaining.  I mean, it's really just a conversation with God, and if you don't know how to have a conversation, then you're probably a robot, or a rabbit, or something.  However, there is more to this discipline of prayer than meets the eye.  You may have certain assumptions about prayer that aren't exactly true.  As with any spiritual discipline there are new things to learn no matter how familiar we are with the subject.  There are ways to cultivate our knowledge and practice to become more effective and skillful pray-ers.  

An important note to make on the subject of prayer is simply the power and effectiveness of it.  Something I have struggled with in the past is wondering what the purpose of prayer is when God has already ordained everything that is going to happen.  If I pray for someone to be healed, I assumed it was already in His will whether or not that would happen.  Honestly, I'm still not sure how this works, but the Bible explicitly describes the powerful role that prayer has played in history.  God invites us to change the world by prayer.  

I thought, as many of you may have, that I understood the general principle of prayer and that there was really no need for me to exercise this discipline.  But as it turned out, the way I pray--with basically no direction, just casting random wants and needs out to God--is not how I should generally be praying (not to say I can't ever go about it this way--sometimes it a "heaven help me!" kind of day.)  And so this week I set aside a purposeful time of prayer.  In Foster's Celebration of Disciplne he describes a kind of praying called "swishing prayers."  This kind of praying basically involves saying small prayers for people as you see them.  I sat in a part of school with a little traffic and did simply that: prayed for people as they passed.  These prayers were pretty general seeing as I don't know the personal junk that each person contained under the surface.  It was certainly an interesting experience--one that I enjoyed surprisingly.  Out of this entire study and experience I have become more aware of the constant presence of God as well as the constant opportunity we have to go to him in prayer.  

Well, that's all I got!  Until next time!

Meditation

Ommmmm...the topic for today's reflection is meditation.  But hold off on the yoga pants and sitting cross-legged--first because those things are pretty unforgiving and my legs are about as limber as the tin man's, but second, because that's not really the kind of meditation we're talking about.

The kind of mediation most people are more familiar focuses on the emptying of the mind; forgetting our own selves and personalities and becoming one with the the cosmos.  Meditation with God does, in fact, urge an emptying of the mind, but also the desire to be filled with the presence of God.  It may seem daunting to be so close in spirit to the great Being, Himself.  That's because it is.  But it's important for us to breech that "safe distance" we like to keep between us and God.  We're always asking others to be the middle man between us and God.  This just causes is to become complacent; satisfied without ever entering into the presence of the only One who can truly satisfy.    

Meditation is also an opportunity to shut out those things of the world, of culture, that separate us from God. But that does not mean that God cannot be found in our culture, either.  I know that sounds like a contradiction--maybe it is.  But I just take it to mean that there's that crap-culture that certainly does not bring us any closer to God.  But finding God in culture is also one of those beautiful ways that we can meditate on God's glory in our every day life.  For example, one my my favorite culture mediums is movies.  I love being able to see  the immaculate detail that goes into the lighting, the tone, the script, the camera angles, everything!  I find myself often pausing to thank God for giving people such talent to make a beautiful picture.  

For my practice of this discipline this week, I decided to use a method suggested by Richard Foster in Celebration of Discipline.  It's called "palms down, palms up."  "Begin by placing your palms down as a symbolic indication of your desire to turn over any concerns you may have to God...Whatever it is that weighs on your mind or is a concern to you, just say, 'palms down.' Release it...After several moments of surrender, turn your palms up as a symbol of your desire to receive from the Lord (31)."  I mentioned in a previous post that I struggle with worry and anxiety, so this seemed like a fitting exercise--and it was.  I began by mentioning specifically those things that were weighing down my heart.  Things I wasn't even consciously aware I was worried about came to light.  But I released them.  And in their place I opened by heart to receive peace from God.  I allowed the words of Jesus to flood over me; "My peace I give to you (John 14:27)."

It wasn't long before the distractions of the world and of my own mind made it impossible to concentrate any longer.  But in the words of Foster, "...be patient with yourself.  Besides, you are learning a discipline for which you have received no training."  So I will continue to train in the discipline of meditation, and I will continue to grow.  

Peace,

Steph

These are my Confessions

Here, you will not find my confessions, as my title suggests, but given the subject of today's blog post I just couldn't help referencing some Usher.  These are, however, my thoughts about my confessions.

This past week for class we read a chapter from Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline on confession dun dun DUN!!!  This is one of those practices that I knew was inevitable, yet one that I dreaded.  I know I'm a sinner.  Everyone else knows I'm a sinner.  So why do I have to get into the nitty gritty details?  There must also have been some part of me that was in denial of God's knowledge of my sin, because I was even afraid and ashamed to lay them before Him.  But Foster shed a light on confession that I had never seen there before.  Confession is difficult, shameful, and takes a great deal of humility.  But it's not all bad.  In fact, the reward is worth the pay.  That reward being instant forgiveness.  I remember a professor describe it as "spiritual amnesia" on God's part.  Not only does God forgive our sin when we repent of it, but He literally forgets it.  Now, that may sound like a weakness or an imperfect characteristic of God, but it's far from it.  It's a strength.  The most forgiving person can't push a wrong so far out of the way that they literally forget it.  And that's what God does when we come to him with a repentant and confessing heart.  Even the most humanly abhorrent sin is forgiven.

That sounds comforting, right?  Well it's easy to say it, but for me, it was whole other thing when it came to practicing it.  Foster says that one of the things essential for true confession is sorrow.  Sorrow for the sin you have committed.  I certainly had that one down.  I was pretty embarrassed when I laid my confessions before God.  But the other thing that Foster said was essential to confession is a desire to turn from that sin.  And if you don't have that desire, then you should pray for the desire of that desire.  I was sorrowful for my sin, but there was also that depraved part of me the was sorrowful of letting go of that sin.  And so, now I pray for the desire to let go.  The desire to live a more holy life.

There was another component of this study that I didn't really have the guts to tread on.  That is, the practice of corporate confession; sharing your confessions with another believer.  The most attractive aspect of this particular practice was the ability to physically hear the forgiveness of God through the mouth of another believer.  But honestly, it was a practice I was not yet ready take part in.  Before, I hadn't really explored confession with God, so I thought it better to bare my heart first to my Maker.

 Master of confession I am not--much more of a novice.  But like any true disciple of God I'm learning, and growing, and experiencing God's faithfulness in new ways every day.

Worship

I'm back!  So I had small freak-out a moment ago when I saw that there had been 15 views of my page since I put it up last week.  One thing I forgot to mention in my first post is that this blog is actually an assigment for class, so It's not all-together voluntary that I'm writing it.  So the fact that 15 humans--with brains, and opinions, and probably the ability to spot an illerate moron--had viewed my page was a little jarring.  It's a small condolence, though, that at least 10 of those views were probably myself checking in to see if all was quiet on my blog front.

This week I read about worship.  I was then given the task of utilizing what I read and putting it into practice, then blogging about it (that will be the way things run with this thing).  Sounds easy, right?  Think again.

My plan was to get to bed at a decent time, get up relatively early, and spend the morning preparing myself for worship on Sunday morning.  I would put everything on the back-burner and focus on my time with God.  That plan fizzled about as soon as it was made.  I did not get to bed at a decent time, and I woke up with just enough time to stuff my face with a Pilsbury cinnamon roll and get out the door.  Not to mention, a second didn't pass when I woke up before I remembered a philosophy paper that was due the next day.  A philosophy paper, people!  And I hadn't even started!  So once I got to the worship service my mind was not at peace.  I had thoughts of that paper running through my mind, the distraction of the people around me, and an occational realization that I was supposed to meet God here.  Do you ever have it when you're trying to get yourself focused on something but the only thing you're focused on is trying to get focused?  Just me?  Okay.  Needless to say, my worship experience this Sunday was distracted, frazzled, and definelty not organic. 

It is in light of this epic fail that I'm giving myself a new challenge.  First, to write down all of my assignments!  That might help with the challenging part of my challenge, which is this: to prepare myself for worship and being ready to experience an organic encounter with God.  Second time's the charm, right?

Setting the Tone

The only thing that took longer than making this first post was coming up with a name for my blog.  I'm the kind of gal that jumps at the chance to put a cute, or witty, or pun-filled name on something much to the chagrin of you pun-haters out there.  But the nature of this blog--tracking my spiritual journey and relaying the triumphs and pitfalls to the world--made me want to set the tone of what I hope this blog to be.  I decided to turn to a passage of Scripture that has been a source of encouragement during those miry pit days.  How appropriate for a spiritual blog!  Here's the verse:

"22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life[b]?26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

27 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

32 “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaventhat will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

 Luke 12:  22-34

Sorry for the hefty amount of Scripture, but I consider this whole excerpt to be relevant.  As you follow my story you will learn that I'm a worrier--big time.  My worry, which ultimately escalates into anxiety, has played a leading role in my spiritual journey until this point and I have reason to believe that it will continue to play a role.  Reading this passage over and over on nights when sleep was a desire, but not an option, really engraved it into my heart.  But honest reflection prompts me to admit that most days I don't fully trust God.  I forget that I am part of his flock.  That worrying can't add even an hour to my life.  I forget that I am clothed in his splendor.  Through the weeks of spiritual discipline to come, my wish is that I grow closer to the one that clothes me--literally and spiritually.  And if you ever want see my ears perk up, talk about clothes--especially ones from the greatest "designer" of them all (get it?...designer?...clothes? HAHA)