Heaven Help Me

It's Tuesday night, so you know what that means...it's blogging time!  *cue blog dancers and theme song*  Speaking of theme songs, if this week's topic had one, it'd be Madonna's Like a Prayer, because, you know, it has the word prayer in it...and that's the discipline in the spotlight this week...and I've included the lyrics in this blog title...I'm subtle...and original!

Now prayer may seem like one of those no-brainer disciplines that needs no explaining.  I mean, it's really just a conversation with God, and if you don't know how to have a conversation, then you're probably a robot, or a rabbit, or something.  However, there is more to this discipline of prayer than meets the eye.  You may have certain assumptions about prayer that aren't exactly true.  As with any spiritual discipline there are new things to learn no matter how familiar we are with the subject.  There are ways to cultivate our knowledge and practice to become more effective and skillful pray-ers.  

An important note to make on the subject of prayer is simply the power and effectiveness of it.  Something I have struggled with in the past is wondering what the purpose of prayer is when God has already ordained everything that is going to happen.  If I pray for someone to be healed, I assumed it was already in His will whether or not that would happen.  Honestly, I'm still not sure how this works, but the Bible explicitly describes the powerful role that prayer has played in history.  God invites us to change the world by prayer.  

I thought, as many of you may have, that I understood the general principle of prayer and that there was really no need for me to exercise this discipline.  But as it turned out, the way I pray--with basically no direction, just casting random wants and needs out to God--is not how I should generally be praying (not to say I can't ever go about it this way--sometimes it a "heaven help me!" kind of day.)  And so this week I set aside a purposeful time of prayer.  In Foster's Celebration of Disciplne he describes a kind of praying called "swishing prayers."  This kind of praying basically involves saying small prayers for people as you see them.  I sat in a part of school with a little traffic and did simply that: prayed for people as they passed.  These prayers were pretty general seeing as I don't know the personal junk that each person contained under the surface.  It was certainly an interesting experience--one that I enjoyed surprisingly.  Out of this entire study and experience I have become more aware of the constant presence of God as well as the constant opportunity we have to go to him in prayer.  

Well, that's all I got!  Until next time!

Meditation

Ommmmm...the topic for today's reflection is meditation.  But hold off on the yoga pants and sitting cross-legged--first because those things are pretty unforgiving and my legs are about as limber as the tin man's, but second, because that's not really the kind of meditation we're talking about.

The kind of mediation most people are more familiar focuses on the emptying of the mind; forgetting our own selves and personalities and becoming one with the the cosmos.  Meditation with God does, in fact, urge an emptying of the mind, but also the desire to be filled with the presence of God.  It may seem daunting to be so close in spirit to the great Being, Himself.  That's because it is.  But it's important for us to breech that "safe distance" we like to keep between us and God.  We're always asking others to be the middle man between us and God.  This just causes is to become complacent; satisfied without ever entering into the presence of the only One who can truly satisfy.    

Meditation is also an opportunity to shut out those things of the world, of culture, that separate us from God. But that does not mean that God cannot be found in our culture, either.  I know that sounds like a contradiction--maybe it is.  But I just take it to mean that there's that crap-culture that certainly does not bring us any closer to God.  But finding God in culture is also one of those beautiful ways that we can meditate on God's glory in our every day life.  For example, one my my favorite culture mediums is movies.  I love being able to see  the immaculate detail that goes into the lighting, the tone, the script, the camera angles, everything!  I find myself often pausing to thank God for giving people such talent to make a beautiful picture.  

For my practice of this discipline this week, I decided to use a method suggested by Richard Foster in Celebration of Discipline.  It's called "palms down, palms up."  "Begin by placing your palms down as a symbolic indication of your desire to turn over any concerns you may have to God...Whatever it is that weighs on your mind or is a concern to you, just say, 'palms down.' Release it...After several moments of surrender, turn your palms up as a symbol of your desire to receive from the Lord (31)."  I mentioned in a previous post that I struggle with worry and anxiety, so this seemed like a fitting exercise--and it was.  I began by mentioning specifically those things that were weighing down my heart.  Things I wasn't even consciously aware I was worried about came to light.  But I released them.  And in their place I opened by heart to receive peace from God.  I allowed the words of Jesus to flood over me; "My peace I give to you (John 14:27)."

It wasn't long before the distractions of the world and of my own mind made it impossible to concentrate any longer.  But in the words of Foster, "...be patient with yourself.  Besides, you are learning a discipline for which you have received no training."  So I will continue to train in the discipline of meditation, and I will continue to grow.  

Peace,

Steph

These are my Confessions

Here, you will not find my confessions, as my title suggests, but given the subject of today's blog post I just couldn't help referencing some Usher.  These are, however, my thoughts about my confessions.

This past week for class we read a chapter from Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline on confession dun dun DUN!!!  This is one of those practices that I knew was inevitable, yet one that I dreaded.  I know I'm a sinner.  Everyone else knows I'm a sinner.  So why do I have to get into the nitty gritty details?  There must also have been some part of me that was in denial of God's knowledge of my sin, because I was even afraid and ashamed to lay them before Him.  But Foster shed a light on confession that I had never seen there before.  Confession is difficult, shameful, and takes a great deal of humility.  But it's not all bad.  In fact, the reward is worth the pay.  That reward being instant forgiveness.  I remember a professor describe it as "spiritual amnesia" on God's part.  Not only does God forgive our sin when we repent of it, but He literally forgets it.  Now, that may sound like a weakness or an imperfect characteristic of God, but it's far from it.  It's a strength.  The most forgiving person can't push a wrong so far out of the way that they literally forget it.  And that's what God does when we come to him with a repentant and confessing heart.  Even the most humanly abhorrent sin is forgiven.

That sounds comforting, right?  Well it's easy to say it, but for me, it was whole other thing when it came to practicing it.  Foster says that one of the things essential for true confession is sorrow.  Sorrow for the sin you have committed.  I certainly had that one down.  I was pretty embarrassed when I laid my confessions before God.  But the other thing that Foster said was essential to confession is a desire to turn from that sin.  And if you don't have that desire, then you should pray for the desire of that desire.  I was sorrowful for my sin, but there was also that depraved part of me the was sorrowful of letting go of that sin.  And so, now I pray for the desire to let go.  The desire to live a more holy life.

There was another component of this study that I didn't really have the guts to tread on.  That is, the practice of corporate confession; sharing your confessions with another believer.  The most attractive aspect of this particular practice was the ability to physically hear the forgiveness of God through the mouth of another believer.  But honestly, it was a practice I was not yet ready take part in.  Before, I hadn't really explored confession with God, so I thought it better to bare my heart first to my Maker.

 Master of confession I am not--much more of a novice.  But like any true disciple of God I'm learning, and growing, and experiencing God's faithfulness in new ways every day.

Worship

I'm back!  So I had small freak-out a moment ago when I saw that there had been 15 views of my page since I put it up last week.  One thing I forgot to mention in my first post is that this blog is actually an assigment for class, so It's not all-together voluntary that I'm writing it.  So the fact that 15 humans--with brains, and opinions, and probably the ability to spot an illerate moron--had viewed my page was a little jarring.  It's a small condolence, though, that at least 10 of those views were probably myself checking in to see if all was quiet on my blog front.

This week I read about worship.  I was then given the task of utilizing what I read and putting it into practice, then blogging about it (that will be the way things run with this thing).  Sounds easy, right?  Think again.

My plan was to get to bed at a decent time, get up relatively early, and spend the morning preparing myself for worship on Sunday morning.  I would put everything on the back-burner and focus on my time with God.  That plan fizzled about as soon as it was made.  I did not get to bed at a decent time, and I woke up with just enough time to stuff my face with a Pilsbury cinnamon roll and get out the door.  Not to mention, a second didn't pass when I woke up before I remembered a philosophy paper that was due the next day.  A philosophy paper, people!  And I hadn't even started!  So once I got to the worship service my mind was not at peace.  I had thoughts of that paper running through my mind, the distraction of the people around me, and an occational realization that I was supposed to meet God here.  Do you ever have it when you're trying to get yourself focused on something but the only thing you're focused on is trying to get focused?  Just me?  Okay.  Needless to say, my worship experience this Sunday was distracted, frazzled, and definelty not organic. 

It is in light of this epic fail that I'm giving myself a new challenge.  First, to write down all of my assignments!  That might help with the challenging part of my challenge, which is this: to prepare myself for worship and being ready to experience an organic encounter with God.  Second time's the charm, right?

Setting the Tone

The only thing that took longer than making this first post was coming up with a name for my blog.  I'm the kind of gal that jumps at the chance to put a cute, or witty, or pun-filled name on something much to the chagrin of you pun-haters out there.  But the nature of this blog--tracking my spiritual journey and relaying the triumphs and pitfalls to the world--made me want to set the tone of what I hope this blog to be.  I decided to turn to a passage of Scripture that has been a source of encouragement during those miry pit days.  How appropriate for a spiritual blog!  Here's the verse:

"22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life[b]?26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

27 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

32 “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaventhat will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

 Luke 12:  22-34

Sorry for the hefty amount of Scripture, but I consider this whole excerpt to be relevant.  As you follow my story you will learn that I'm a worrier--big time.  My worry, which ultimately escalates into anxiety, has played a leading role in my spiritual journey until this point and I have reason to believe that it will continue to play a role.  Reading this passage over and over on nights when sleep was a desire, but not an option, really engraved it into my heart.  But honest reflection prompts me to admit that most days I don't fully trust God.  I forget that I am part of his flock.  That worrying can't add even an hour to my life.  I forget that I am clothed in his splendor.  Through the weeks of spiritual discipline to come, my wish is that I grow closer to the one that clothes me--literally and spiritually.  And if you ever want see my ears perk up, talk about clothes--especially ones from the greatest "designer" of them all (get it?...designer?...clothes? HAHA)