Our Daily Bread

Like any other creature that walks this earth I gotta eat.  And I'm quite convinced that I enjoy doing so more than the average person, because, I must say, I'm pretty good at it.  My taste buddies and I have been through thick and thin, sweet and sour, salty and savory, bitter and...well, whatever pairs well with bitter.  I've mastered the technique of eating the soup, salad, and bread sticks at Olive Garden as efficiently as possible so as to get the most for my money (save the bread sticks for the soup.  NEVER eat them with your salad--rookie mistake).  My pallet is so sophisticated as to inform you that my favorite "restaurant" is the China Max in the mall food court (another tip while eating here: get it to go--you get more...these tips don't make me pathetic!!!!).  You get the picture.  I like food.  I'm pretty sure it likes me, too (otherwise, why would it beckon me so?)  A good part of my life, especially the social part, revolves around food.  You go to a party, there's food.  You go to the movies, there's overpriced popcorn and candy (so you bring your own stash), you get together with some friends and you meet up at a restaurant.  That is why I approached this week's discipline, Fasting, with hesitance.

Why would anyone want to fast?  We need to eat so why would we deprive ourselves of this necessity?  That was my state of mind when I first heard about the practice of this discipline.  However, my assumptions were misinformed, much like they were for most of the other disciplines we've covered so far.  By the end of our in-class discussion, I understood the benefits and reason behind the practice of fasting--even though I was probably daydreaming about a cheeseburger at the time.

We may pride ourselves in thinking that our minds are the ruler of our actions, but it is often our stomachs that lead our path.  If we're hungry we steer our direction towards something to eat.  If we listened to every order our stomach dictated, though, we would find ourselves in a bad way.  Fasting is a reminder that our stomach is not king.  Rather, God is.  While fasting, we should take the time that we would spend eating, satisfying our stomachs, and satisfy our souls by spending that time with God.  The Word will be our sustenance rather than food.

Now, I've never fasted before, and so I decided to start small.  I planned to fast for two meals out of a single day, with the allowance of water and a little coffee in the morning (otherwise I get monstrous headaches.)  Overall, I was pretty good about restricting myself, save for some lettuce (which turned out to be such a tease and not worth it.)  However, my plan included spending more time with God and His Word, and I did not really succeed in this aspect.  Really, this renders the whole practice meaningless.  Yes, I did really appreciate the food I was given once I was done with my period of fasting (so I guess it wasn't meaningless), but in my future practice of fasting, I'd do well to actually do the practice that is intended to be a part of it--spend time with God and grow closer to him.

Well, that's it, folks!  Catch you at the food court!

Steph

Heaven Help Me

It's Tuesday night, so you know what that means...it's blogging time!  *cue blog dancers and theme song*  Speaking of theme songs, if this week's topic had one, it'd be Madonna's Like a Prayer, because, you know, it has the word prayer in it...and that's the discipline in the spotlight this week...and I've included the lyrics in this blog title...I'm subtle...and original!

Now prayer may seem like one of those no-brainer disciplines that needs no explaining.  I mean, it's really just a conversation with God, and if you don't know how to have a conversation, then you're probably a robot, or a rabbit, or something.  However, there is more to this discipline of prayer than meets the eye.  You may have certain assumptions about prayer that aren't exactly true.  As with any spiritual discipline there are new things to learn no matter how familiar we are with the subject.  There are ways to cultivate our knowledge and practice to become more effective and skillful pray-ers.  

An important note to make on the subject of prayer is simply the power and effectiveness of it.  Something I have struggled with in the past is wondering what the purpose of prayer is when God has already ordained everything that is going to happen.  If I pray for someone to be healed, I assumed it was already in His will whether or not that would happen.  Honestly, I'm still not sure how this works, but the Bible explicitly describes the powerful role that prayer has played in history.  God invites us to change the world by prayer.  

I thought, as many of you may have, that I understood the general principle of prayer and that there was really no need for me to exercise this discipline.  But as it turned out, the way I pray--with basically no direction, just casting random wants and needs out to God--is not how I should generally be praying (not to say I can't ever go about it this way--sometimes it a "heaven help me!" kind of day.)  And so this week I set aside a purposeful time of prayer.  In Foster's Celebration of Disciplne he describes a kind of praying called "swishing prayers."  This kind of praying basically involves saying small prayers for people as you see them.  I sat in a part of school with a little traffic and did simply that: prayed for people as they passed.  These prayers were pretty general seeing as I don't know the personal junk that each person contained under the surface.  It was certainly an interesting experience--one that I enjoyed surprisingly.  Out of this entire study and experience I have become more aware of the constant presence of God as well as the constant opportunity we have to go to him in prayer.  

Well, that's all I got!  Until next time!

Meditation

Ommmmm...the topic for today's reflection is meditation.  But hold off on the yoga pants and sitting cross-legged--first because those things are pretty unforgiving and my legs are about as limber as the tin man's, but second, because that's not really the kind of meditation we're talking about.

The kind of mediation most people are more familiar focuses on the emptying of the mind; forgetting our own selves and personalities and becoming one with the the cosmos.  Meditation with God does, in fact, urge an emptying of the mind, but also the desire to be filled with the presence of God.  It may seem daunting to be so close in spirit to the great Being, Himself.  That's because it is.  But it's important for us to breech that "safe distance" we like to keep between us and God.  We're always asking others to be the middle man between us and God.  This just causes is to become complacent; satisfied without ever entering into the presence of the only One who can truly satisfy.    

Meditation is also an opportunity to shut out those things of the world, of culture, that separate us from God. But that does not mean that God cannot be found in our culture, either.  I know that sounds like a contradiction--maybe it is.  But I just take it to mean that there's that crap-culture that certainly does not bring us any closer to God.  But finding God in culture is also one of those beautiful ways that we can meditate on God's glory in our every day life.  For example, one my my favorite culture mediums is movies.  I love being able to see  the immaculate detail that goes into the lighting, the tone, the script, the camera angles, everything!  I find myself often pausing to thank God for giving people such talent to make a beautiful picture.  

For my practice of this discipline this week, I decided to use a method suggested by Richard Foster in Celebration of Discipline.  It's called "palms down, palms up."  "Begin by placing your palms down as a symbolic indication of your desire to turn over any concerns you may have to God...Whatever it is that weighs on your mind or is a concern to you, just say, 'palms down.' Release it...After several moments of surrender, turn your palms up as a symbol of your desire to receive from the Lord (31)."  I mentioned in a previous post that I struggle with worry and anxiety, so this seemed like a fitting exercise--and it was.  I began by mentioning specifically those things that were weighing down my heart.  Things I wasn't even consciously aware I was worried about came to light.  But I released them.  And in their place I opened by heart to receive peace from God.  I allowed the words of Jesus to flood over me; "My peace I give to you (John 14:27)."

It wasn't long before the distractions of the world and of my own mind made it impossible to concentrate any longer.  But in the words of Foster, "...be patient with yourself.  Besides, you are learning a discipline for which you have received no training."  So I will continue to train in the discipline of meditation, and I will continue to grow.  

Peace,

Steph

These are my Confessions

Here, you will not find my confessions, as my title suggests, but given the subject of today's blog post I just couldn't help referencing some Usher.  These are, however, my thoughts about my confessions.

This past week for class we read a chapter from Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline on confession dun dun DUN!!!  This is one of those practices that I knew was inevitable, yet one that I dreaded.  I know I'm a sinner.  Everyone else knows I'm a sinner.  So why do I have to get into the nitty gritty details?  There must also have been some part of me that was in denial of God's knowledge of my sin, because I was even afraid and ashamed to lay them before Him.  But Foster shed a light on confession that I had never seen there before.  Confession is difficult, shameful, and takes a great deal of humility.  But it's not all bad.  In fact, the reward is worth the pay.  That reward being instant forgiveness.  I remember a professor describe it as "spiritual amnesia" on God's part.  Not only does God forgive our sin when we repent of it, but He literally forgets it.  Now, that may sound like a weakness or an imperfect characteristic of God, but it's far from it.  It's a strength.  The most forgiving person can't push a wrong so far out of the way that they literally forget it.  And that's what God does when we come to him with a repentant and confessing heart.  Even the most humanly abhorrent sin is forgiven.

That sounds comforting, right?  Well it's easy to say it, but for me, it was whole other thing when it came to practicing it.  Foster says that one of the things essential for true confession is sorrow.  Sorrow for the sin you have committed.  I certainly had that one down.  I was pretty embarrassed when I laid my confessions before God.  But the other thing that Foster said was essential to confession is a desire to turn from that sin.  And if you don't have that desire, then you should pray for the desire of that desire.  I was sorrowful for my sin, but there was also that depraved part of me the was sorrowful of letting go of that sin.  And so, now I pray for the desire to let go.  The desire to live a more holy life.

There was another component of this study that I didn't really have the guts to tread on.  That is, the practice of corporate confession; sharing your confessions with another believer.  The most attractive aspect of this particular practice was the ability to physically hear the forgiveness of God through the mouth of another believer.  But honestly, it was a practice I was not yet ready take part in.  Before, I hadn't really explored confession with God, so I thought it better to bare my heart first to my Maker.

 Master of confession I am not--much more of a novice.  But like any true disciple of God I'm learning, and growing, and experiencing God's faithfulness in new ways every day.